If you are divorced, or going through a divorce, the holidays can be difficult. The following six tips will help you and your kids to get through the holidays.
1. Think of your kids first. As meaningful as the holidays are to parents, they are even more meaningful, and therefore more challenging, to our children. Children have the added sadness of not being with both of their parents on holidays, and the added stress of feeling like they have to choose between different parents for the holidays. Consider your children’s best interests first. Look at the holidays from their perspective first. Subordinate your needs, and your new love interest’s needs, to your child’s.
2. Be specific when working out holiday visitation schedules. If holidays are important to you and your spouse be as specific as you can about the holiday schedule to avoid disagreements. For example, clarify pick-up dates and times for the holidays. Also, you can and should be creative with your holiday visitation schedule so that it suits your family traditions and needs. For example, if your spouse’s family always celebrates Christmas eve together you can accommodate him or her knowing that he or she will accommodate you in the future.
3. If your kids are with your ex make sure that you do something really fun. If your kids are with your ex for the holidays do not stay home alone! Do something fun. Maybe even something you wouldn’t be able to do if you had your kids! My first Thanksgiving without my son I went to Radio City Music Hall’s Christmas Show! Do something that you will enjoy and avoid things that you will not. It makes being away from your children easier to bear if you do something fun.
4. Don’t complain to your kids. If you are not with your kids during a holiday do not lament to them that you are sad without them. No need to make them feel guilty about not spending the holiday with you. Instead when you speak with them on the phone focus on the fun they are having and the joy of the holiday.
5. Allow your kids to communicate freely with your ex during the holidays. Allowing free communication during the holidays is good for everyone. It will make your kids feel better and will buy you reciprocal goodwill with your ex when they are away from you.
6. Strive for goodwill with your Ex. Although this may be challenging at the beginning, I suggest you use the holidays as an opportunity to create goodwill between you and your ex. Your children will appreciate it, it’s the best gift you can give them.
